Two hats [11 Thory 4261]
Well! It seems that many monsters have opinions on hats!
It also seems that many friends of mine have many opinions on hats as well.
Esory:"I'd love to see you in an Orren-style flat hat, Sythyry! For ulterior reasons!"
Me:"What reasons are those?"
Esory:"If I explained, they would be immediately cease to be ulterior."
* * *
Thory:"I cannot image anything cuter than a Zi Ri in a fez!"
Yarwain:"This worries me, Thory."
Yarwain:"I understand that babies are intolerable, with cuteness being their only virtue. If Sythyry in a fez is still cuter, then our child is doomed!"
Thory:"Oh." She dumped a chalice of milked wine with pondygreen over Yarwain's head.
Yarwain:"See what joys await you when your mate gets pregnant!" Fortunately he mostly said that to Anoof. I cringed anyways. The very thought hurts.
* * *
Anoof:"Get the romantic cone hat, Sythyry."
Anoof:"If you do, I can all but guarantee you that at least one Orren will be trying to kiss you before the week is out."
Me:"Are you serious, Anoof?"
Anoof:"Fairly much so, yes. I think it will improve your chances immensely. Beyond all reason, in fact."
* * *
Seeks-Tapenade Strenata:"I like my hat. Here, try it on."
Me:[muffled]"It's too big."
Seeks-Tapenade:"I'm sure you'll get used to it."
Me:[muffled]"I'm sure I'll set it on fire."
Seeks-Tapenade:"Then give it back immediately!"
* * *
Rhedwy:"Sythyry, you are the silly. The hat does not make you successful at sex. The not running away from the sex party makes you successful at sex."
Me:"Love. I am looking for love, not merely sex."
Rhedwy:"Very are you the silly! Have sex first. Then you know love if it comes and boils your tail. If it never does, then at least you are having plenty of sex."
Me:"Ah. I shall surely consult with my monsters about that one."
* * *
Me:"So, I wish to exceed my usual clothing allowance for this month -- borrowing against next month, as it were."
Official of Disbursements:"Well, various arrangements are possible; I shall look over your account. What will you buy?"
Me:"A very elegant hat, or two. Suitable for court, as per my ~mother~'s instructions, of course."
O. of D.:"What sort of hat?"
I described my choices to zir. "And that is why I may buy two hats."
O. of D.:"I should buy the cone and the coronet, if I were you."
Me:"Many monsters do not agree with you on the coronet!"
O. of D.:"You discuss your sartorial preferences with monsters?"
Me:[Airily]"Why, of course -- dozens of them! Don't you?"
O. of D.:"I'm afraid I come from a more workaday sort of background than you."
Me:"Can it be arranged?"
O. of D.:"Since you have not, to date, used the whole of your clothing allowance in any month, I can apply some of your previous monies to this month."
* * *
So now I have two hats on order: a romantic cone thingie, and a fez. The romantic cone thingie is as Anoof wished. The fez ... the fez ... the fez will have a shimmering wash of pastel rainbow colors cascading down one side. Why only one side? I do not know. Will I be able to look at myself in a mirror without laughing? I do not know.
If Anoof is not right about the Orren, I shall stuff the fez with offirrah and feed it to him.