Bard needs a new conspiracy theory to believe in! What should it accept uncritically?
Colombus's voyages were faked!
d6's have a secret 7th side but you have to be a member to be able to
'Hail Mary' is neither!
Oxygen is evil because it's a necessary prerequisite to a homosexual lifestyle!
The CIA invented sexual dimorphism in humans as a device to keep us
distracted from their real agenda!
The best way to help Bard celebrate its upcoming 50th birthday is to...
Kidnap it and sell it to cannibals for $4.99/lb.
Send it a copy of a nifty picture, e.g. one that it can use as a
desktop and think of you when it sees it.
Send it some music that you think it will like, esp. music without
Tempt a friend to read the serial it's about to start serializing
Email or IM it suitable greetings
Show up for its housewarming / belated birthday party, whenever that
Hurl it into a pool of boiling alligators
Seriously. Conspiracy theory time. Which of these should Bard believe that
the CIA was/will be involved with?
Hannibal's invasion of Italy
the heat death of the universe
Saruman's defiance of Sauron
The unseemly value of eπi
More conspiracy theory! Aliens are surely infiltrating our school system!
These aliens come from...
Con-spi-ra-ceeeee! Who was responsible for the killing of JFK?
The Cheap Carpenters
The Liberated Librarians
The Wild Window Washers
The Expensive Electricians
Ponderous paranoia paradigm pie! NASA never landed on the moon! Instead...
Their missions went haywire and ended up on Ganymede
They travelled to the near future, but it was so depressing that
they pretended it was the moon instead.
They went partway to Oz and ended up in the Deadly Desert
They were miniaturized and put into a jar of Tang. It all looks grey
because it was expired Tang
They went to the bottom of the Marianas Trench but the images got
really badly garbled.
Oh nose! The Holocaust ...
... actually took place in Honolulu because Hitler was there on vacation.
killed six million Jews ... and 24 million Zoroastrians! But
nobody ever mentions them!
... was caused by Israeli time travellers from the year 2111, to drum up sympathy for Israel.
wasn't carried out on Hitler's orders, but on those of his 6-year-old
nephew, Lucy Hitler.
was a big mistake. Hitler actually ordered "Kill ... I'll have to
choose", meaning that he'd pick one person to have killed as an example. His
German accent made it come out as "Kill all of the Jews".
Conspie! Princess Diana ...
Was killed by vengeful paparazzi who were having a slow news week!
Simply returned to her native planet of Glorbulon!
Was killed by her jilted lover — Henry VIII.
Was killed so that her awful secret would stay secret — she was
a closet furry.
Was getting confused with the Goddess of the Moon and the Hunt, so she
had to die.
The Antichrist is ...
Christ, but reversed in time like any other antiparticle
A cranky and smelly 47-year-old deli counter worker in New York City
(not otherwise of interest)
late. Really, really late.
Chemtrails, clouds behind aircrafts, evilly contain...
Ibuprofen and aspirin, to numb the populace into numbness
NyQuil, to put an end to the Cold War
Betadine, to heal the cuts the planes leave in the sky
Ex-Lax, to make the weather more regular
A placebo, to scare chemtrail conspiracy theorists and distract them
from the real conspiracy
OK, what's the real conspiracy?