This poll exists largely to provide incriminating evidence against you. Refusal to answer a question shall be taken as evidence that you would have answered the question the worst possibly way but are covering it up.
I give money to Senators...
in exchange for secret government contracts
8(36.4%)
so they won't tell about our little sexual misadventures
6(27.3%)
because I don't know what else to do with it
8(36.4%)
When I am confronted by a gerbil or some other menacing beast, I ...
flee in terror
9(40.9%)
soon need dry pants
5(22.7%)
preemptively faint
8(36.4%)
My favorite food is...
stir-fried tiger tongues
4(16.7%)
spiced with the thalamus glands of my enemies
8(33.3%)
fried in not less than 3,000 quarts of lard
12(50.0%)
My favorite music is:
rarely without melodic or harmonic structure
7(26.9%)
performed without the use of marimbas or ukeleles
3(11.5%)
largely composed of tones in the human hearing range
16(61.5%)
When I am all alone and unobserved, I ...
use old episodes of Barney as self-pleasuring material
7(31.8%)
construct explosive devices for use in local grocery stores and hospitals
11(50.0%)
slowly torment and kill members of endangered species
4(18.2%)
Adolf Hitler was:
a great man
4(18.2%)
an Easter bunny made out of chocolate and filled with spicy tomato sauce
14(63.6%)
entirely fictional
4(18.2%)
I support myself largely by
prostitution
3(13.6%)
embezzlement
6(27.3%)
very strong steel pillars sunk deep into a concrete substructure
13(59.1%)
I am ...
a Communist cucumber chef from Cincinnati
7(30.4%)
a lesbian linoleum layer from Lima
3(13.0%)
a heretical harem haberdasher from Hades
13(56.5%)
When I am dead, I want my body to be:
sold for $0.99/lb in the nearest grocery store, mislabeled as
chicken;
8(36.4%)
covered in a 2-foot-thick layer of pure gold and set as a statue on
top of the capitol building of my country as an inspirational sign to
all
8(36.4%)
taxidermied in a pose in which it can be used as a sex toy by as many
people as possible
6(27.3%)
Cute puppies and kittens are:
the favorite instruments of both Satan and Stalin
11(50.0%)
excellent fodder for my army of giant spiders
9(40.9%)
loathy in my sight, so that my gorge riseth at the sight thereof
2(9.1%)
