[4 Trandary 4261]
Me:"Have you ever hired a servant, Yarwain?"
I expect that, in a few weeks, I will get used to having money. As of now, I have been somewhat showing off. I had bought an out-of-season Nihondras Day cake from Floooooooooosh (the extra "o"s are a representation of the tip I gave her for making the cake, and for giving me a full and formal receipt for it which I could give to the Bank of Teleporting Hexagons), and prevailed upon Yarwain and Thery to carry it back home and eat some of it.
Yarwain:"Yes, but not in a way to help you. I did choose among several townschildren of Quistma to pick who would be the groom for my horse."
Thery:[affecting much innocence]"Why, Yarwain! You never told me Treacle was married!"[Literally: "You never told me Treacle was an oarsman!" I translate the pun as best I can. -bb]
Yarwain:"Alas, it was not Treacle, and it proved more of an elopement than a marriage. Horse, groom, two more horses, and substantial number of amber candlesticks and copper-edged cutlery ran off together. I daresay their marriage was a happy one. And far, far from Quistma. So this alone is my advice to you, Sythyry: do not pick someone whom you have known since childhood and consider to be of impeccable character and slow intellect. When you are proven wrong, that will simply give you extra self-mockery."
Me:"Unfortunately I lack even that unhelpful clue about any candidate."
Thery:"Don't pick a Herethroy."
Me:"Not a Herethroy? I've had Herethroy servants since I was a child. They do excellently."
Thery glanced towards Dustweed. Dustweed died of embarrassment.
Me:"Right then. No Herethroy."
Yarwain:"And you shouldn't get any Orren."
Me:"Really? I was thinking of asking Floosh if she knew anyone suitable -- she does talk to lots of people, and she's a better judge of character than seven Cani."
Thery glanced at me. I died of embarrassment.
Me:"Right then. No Orren. Any other species we should avoid?"
Thery:"Well, I've always thought that a Sleeth would make an excellent housemaid."
Me:"I don't know where to go ... there aren't many Sleeth in the city."
Yarwain:[Flipping Thery's face with his tailtip]"I think that hands might be a useful feature in a housemaid, really."
Thery:"Sythyry, I think you're a bit too worried about this to think clearly, if you're taking me seriously."
Yarwain:"Right. Before each interview, have a half-tot of pren brandy. Excellent for calming the nerves."
Tethezai:[very bored]"Or a half-coitus, is how I'd do it."
Dustweed flapped Tethezai in the face with a napkin.
Me:"Um ... how do you do that halfway?"
Tethezai:[in a very patient voice]"Just one of many reasons for preferring both-females."
Both Dustweed and I died of embarrasment.
My friends are endlessly helpful.