Mirrored from Sythyry.
Mump’s Reply to His Students [19 Nivvem 4385]
or, On the Triumph of Socio-Prosodical Research
I am afraid that you have utterly misunderstood and misapplied the methods of socio-prosody. I simply permitted you to explore your obvious misperceptions in the hopes that you would quickly set them right after a bit of further understanding. This hope is clearly vain. Obviously, instruction is wasted on yourselves — Experience is a slow and bitter master, but a fool will learn from no other — the old proverb is amply justified and verified with references to yourselves.
“How could we do otherwise than make a thousand errors?” you ask? The answer is clear! You, being yourselves, could not do otherwise — you have no chance of ever achieving anything of particular correctness! You, not I, chose to use the Translating Dictionary of Gi-Shozempi the Great! Who was it that recommended using that of the Noetherian Institute instead? Did you follow that recommendation, which was made with decades of experience in academe? You chose not to — so you faltered and fell!
Socio-prosody concerns itself with the Poetic Essence of the Spirit of a People. This is perhaps obscured to your eyes by the use of the word Prosody in the name socio-prosody, but that is what the term means. Are tofyofs the poetic essense of the spirit of Hanija? Well, in your misreading of the poetry of that country, perhaps! In reality — no, not so!
It is quite reasonable for a poet to describe his lover as “hooklike”. Æloch-dü Verter, the Chopistau Poet, used that very word to describe his wife, who, hooklike, drew him into battle with cleavers and blades.
You clearly intend to promulgate a foolish and pernicious new discipline in this “socio-vacationing” of yours. You wish to found a new academic department, independent from all others, under your control, with access to an ample supply of funding which you seek to liberate by calumny from the funds of Socio-Prosody! With this you will travel and experience luxurious vacations in many lands! The difference between this and embezzling is that you shall write pretentious and fallacious studies of your deeds!
But know this! I am a might professor in the halls of academe, and I shall not permit the slightest iota of your plan to come to fruition! Know that now, I am your nemesis, the force of justice which brings your nefarious schemes and foolish theories to the executioner!
Invincible Fire Demon: “He sounds really quite upset.”
Prince Rastomil: “He does, I’m afraid. A pity. With a slightly different approach, you might have found quite amazingly helpful and cooperative — in the sense that any help or cooperation from him would have been quite amazing.”
Invincible Fire Demon: “Oh, what do you mean?”
Prince Rastomil: “If Hrone had been right, transaffection would be much more important than it actually is. Outside of this rather peculiar skyboat, I mean. Which would be a major boon to one Mump, Professor of the Study of Transaffection. It couldn’t but help him, perhaps a lot.”
Prince Rastomil: “Still, for whatever reason, he seems to have been moved to quite an astounding fury. What will you do now?”
Hrone: “Write a humble conciliatory letter and hope to get back in the graduate program, at least enough to get my degree.”
Alzagonde: “My plans are unchanged. I have no great use for degrees — several important societies and organizations support me and my intended works!”
Invincible Fire Demon: “Go back home after this trip, study accounting, and go into the Exchequer. I never was much for this theoretical transaffection stuff really.”