Sythyry (sythyry) wrote,
Sythyry
sythyry

Invisible Friends [13 Hivvem 4385]

Mirrored from Sythyry.

Perhaps this wasn’t strictly necessary, and perhaps it wasn’t even a good idea, but Grinwipey did volunteer, and I hesitate to deter my clients from acting on their own initiative. (Specifically, since they will act on their own initiative even if I try my hardest to deter them.)

Grinwipey: “Hoi there, Research Rassimel what’s wearing a sweater made out of possiquoll wool and with copper buttons!”

Alzagonde: “What do you want, Khtsoyis?”

Grinwipey: “Why, I makes it a point to have a word’n'a’turd with anyone who comes on board, wearing an arrasene camisole and having the utter bisibass out the batoozie not to have a matching blushing blossom blucked behind her ear.”

Alzagonde: “I’ll do no such thing with a Khtsoyis!”

Grinwipey: “Hoi now, what, do you think I’m a fresh-lipped crossypopper like these clomperhumpers? A ponce-flipper, a twingbat, a traffie, a master of the thorbies of another species? Do you think I flip the slippery cheese with all and sundry? Do you mean that I might mash morribles with mungies and their mollops? Do you insinuate that I am like Inconnu? His voice rose to a glass-grinding baritone. “Are you suggesting that I might be interested in a liaison with someone like you? Ignominious! Hint at that again, my drazzled drozolla, and we shall engage in the duello and not what you asked for!”

Alzagonde: “Nothing of the sort, O Khtsoyis. I simply mean that I will stick to the company of my peers, and I recommend that you do the same.”

Grinwipey: “And who do you think my peers might be, lassie who really ought to have a swash of lavender faille across her neck to keep that cornflower tabinet from looking so washed out?”

Alzagonde: “I neither know nor care.”

Grinwipey: “Well, half-right, Alza-dazzle. Half-right. You don’t know and you don’t care — that’s proper prissy prattle, it is, and polite and pointed and pompous as percale pantaloons! You don’t know, Little Miss Righteous Rassimel, and you don’t care, but you ought to know, and you ought to care.”

Alzagonde: “Whatever other Khtsoyis are on this trip is no concern of mine. Go back to your labors, steward. Surely you have beverages to bear about!”

Grinwipey: “And that I might, me and my friend Squadgin. Have you met my friend Squadgin yet?”

Alzagonde: “I have not made it a point to meet the servants on-board.”

Grinwipey: “Ain’t nobody much as met Squadgin, not if by ‘meet’ you mean ‘meet right and proper just as if he’s the sort of folk as has a regular-style body and can bear his broccoli’ — if you know what I mean and I think you do, being an educated woman what surely finds herself stuck in the most embarrassing situations imaginable from which there’s no way out except submitting to the carnal desires of them as most would find surprising, and many of those carnal desires seem to involve a crowbar and some very very full washbasins.”

Alzagonde: “What? I never!”

Grinwipey: “Good thing we’re not talking about you, we’re talking about Squidgin. Now, there’s some folks on board as calls Squidgin saying as he’s imaginary.”

Alzagonde: “Wait, that’s the plot of The Terrors of Tarragina! You must have broken into my cabin and searched my personal belongings!”

Grinwipey: “Oh, that’s not a nice way to say it, not at all. I’m a steward, you said, you said, so of course I go into your cabin on my stewardly duties, for to do my stewarding! And why would a nice girl-looking-thing like you be reading a book like The Terrors of Tarragina?”

Alzagonde: “Research for my term paper.”

Grinwipey: “Ah, that’s what they’re calling it nowadays?” As she didn’t respond, he returned to his previous attack. “Anyhow, this Squidgin. They all say as how he’s imaginary. That I made him up out of whole cloth — probably a kalamkari with lamé trimmings.”

Alzagonde: “This is ridiculous. Get gone!”

Grinwipey: “Now, would you be liking to meet this here Squidgin, and find out for yourself just how imaginary he is?”

Alzagonde: “I want nothing of the sort.”

Grinwipey: “Nothing of the sort, she wants, nothing of the sort! Smart Rassy girl, she is, smart Rassy girl! Doesn’t want to meet Squidgin, she says, she does. She’s met too many one too many imaginary friends already this trip, she has, and they didn’t all turn out to be so imaginary as she might hope?”

Alzagonde: “Get out of here!”

Grinwipey: “But don’t you know, Squidgin’s already got you on his social calendar. You might not believe that I can see the social calendar of my imaginary friend, but there you are, there’s too much you don’t believe already but that’s as true as the scorlet scorab. And you’re on the social calendar, never think you’re off of it.”

Alzagonde: “What are you getting at, madman?”

Grinwipey: “Madman, you say? Now that’s a word I haven’t heard for hours and hours — madman! What I’m getting at, Mingy Miss Mockado, is that I’m asking you politely-like to lay off the research program for the flight, or you’re going to have that meeting with Squidgin, and then you’ll see just how imaginary he is. And I hear he’s got a crowbar out of ship’s stores, and some very very full washbasins, all waiting for you and ready.”

Alzagonde: “You are a disgusting, disgusting man!”

Grinwipey: “Nah, I don’t read that kinda trash. Only one person in here who does.”

Alzagonde: “I don’t read it for fun!”

Grinwipey: “Well, maybe this Squidgin does, understand?”

Alzagonde: “Are you threatening me?”

Grinwipey: “I’m a-suggesting you be much more polite around here, and that’s just so as everyone is polite back to you. Everyone real and imaginary.”

Me: “Grinwipey, enough. We do not threaten our guests, no matter how they’re acting.” I turned to Alzagonde. “Well, most of us don’t. The nendrai can’t help herself of course, the Locador demon is truly alien, and, of course, the Khtsoyis and the Gormoror are more likely than not to follow the manners of their respective species. Still, be assured that neither your vicious questioning of me in class, nor your behavior towards my wards, will deprive you of the least bit of my protection while you are a passenger on Strayway.”

Alzagonde mumbled various things, and escaped as soon as I let her.

Grinwipey: “Was that bad-cop enough for you, boss?”

Me: “Everything I wanted and then some, Grinwipey.”

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