Sythyry (sythyry) wrote,
Sythyry
sythyry

War in Heaven [24 Consimbs 4385]

Mirrored from Sythyry.

Me: “Inconnu! Stop that at once!”

Inconnu: “Thefefy! I spit upon the guardianship you have committed against this world! I shit scorn upon the customs you have enacted and protected! I fleer and flout you! I declare you unstylish, ill-groomed, contemptable, bigger than a breadbox, and prodigiously poopyheaded! I mock you from the head to the tail, from the birth to the present, and if you had bothered to have any ancestors I would mock them too! I dip a paintbrush in metaphorical mocking and slosh it all over your foolish fiddly forehead!”

Me: “Inconnu! That’s not how you talk to a god!”

Inconnu: “Technically, it is the only way I have ever spoken to a god, at least face-to-face.”

Thefefy: “I accept your insults, and I shall repay them with violence and vengance!” She struck at Inconnu, without any particular skill or strength, and he parried the blow on his shield. “And so it has begun. Each time I strike at you, it will be harder than the last. Your doom is inexorable!”

Me: “Stop dooming Inconnu! We are still discussing the matter; there is no need for war yet!” I placed a very thick wall of wood between god and Orren. Thefefy waggled her sword at him again, leaving a little dent in the wall — and somehow striking Inconnu’s shield again, hard enough to make it ring like a tortured bell. I had enchanted that shield, and winced as it was injured.

Thefefy: “World-Tree wizard! Know that I am the last remaining god in Heaven, and my powers here are mighty!”

Inconnu: “You’re the only god who was stupid enough to stay in Heaven, and Sythyry can beat you without casting a single spell!”

Me: “Inconnu! Stop that and apologize!”

Thefefy took another stroke. The wood splintered a bit, and Inconnu’s shield was knocked off his arm. It rolled under a sentient sofa, and lay there howling.

Inconnu: “Sure thing, boss. I’ll apologize.”

Me: “Thefefy, please, stop destroying my foolish friend, and accept his apology. “

Thefefy: “I do not much care if you leave alive or dead. I suppose there is no actual need to kill you. If you were Mircannis’ species I would anyways, to send her a message, but you were made by some of her horrid companions.”

Inconnu: “Ok, here goes, one apology. I am sorry for everything I said about you. It was all wrong and all very very rude of me. I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m as sorry as pie and whole half-loaf of very good date-apricot bread, and maybe some eels and a glass of wine on the side, that’s how sorry I am, y’know, Thefefy?”

Thefefy: “… I … think so? … “

Vae popped back into the parlor. “Inconnu? And all all is well? The further time is needed, for Dorze has an errand.” I squeaked “Vae!” at her, and she vanished again.

Inconnu: “Actually, Thefefy, Mircannis was smart to leave you behind here. If you got to the World Tree you wouldn’t be anything like a god. You’d probably be a big fat mushroom or something.”

Me: “Inconnu! That’s not an apology!”

Inconnu: “That’s OK, boss, Thefefy’s too dumb to know.”

Thefefy evidently was not too dumb to know. She struck at Inconnu again. She cut a deep gash in the wooden wall, and ran her sword through Inconnu’s belly despite the intervening wall.

Inconnu: “Ow! Y’know, Thefefy, you’re as dumb as a banana, and not even one of the big ones, one of the little red kind.”

Thefefy: “You have managed to annoy me, animal! Now observe what is brings you!”

Thefefy struck at Inconnu again. The wall split but remained standing — each blow was a lot harder than the one before — and Inconnu was struck dead.

A whisper of familiar Healoc magic brought Inconnu back to life before I could do anything about it. Inconnu had snagged one of my worst-conceived talismans: one that cast Heal the Awful Wound on the wearer whenever he needed it, viz., after each death. Each death does leave the wearer shaken, more shaken than the last, and after a handful of them in quick succession the wearer can do little more than crawl and moan. Of course, crawling and moaning is rarely a way to stay alive, so whatever enemy caused the first deaths can generally cause some more. So the talisman wound up as more of a torture-enabler for the wearer than a protection per se.

Inconnu: “So much for your stupid swords, you useless excuse for a wind elemental.”

Thefefy struck again. The wall of wood was broken to flinders. Inconnu was slain utterly, and, in a flash of talismanic magic, brought just barely to life again.

Inconnu: “I’m not really very impressed with that. I think I’m gonna downgrade you from ‘useless excuse for wind elemental’ to ‘useless excuse for sex toy’.”

Thefefy raised her sword. I stopped time and cast a pile of obstructive spells at her, paralyses and bluntings and such. She brushed them aside, and struck Inconnu a most terrible blow, killing him again for the usual third-of-a-second.

Inconnu: “All I can say to that is … “ He stuck out his tongue at the god. After being killed so hard a couple times, he probably was feeling a bit ragged.

Vae appeared back in the parlor. “Not that! Not any more must you stab Inconnu!” She put a powerful protective spell on him. Thefefy stabbed again. The divine sword howled, and the nendrai’s defenses twinkled happily. But by inexorability, Inconnu was struck again. I think Vae managed to blunt the blow — or Thefefy didn’t increase it visibly this time — or I didn’t measure it very well — or something else. Anyways, Inconnu lay on the ground, rather limp, but he did stick his tongue out at Thefefy once more.

hCevian engulfed Strayway and made Heaven go away, leaving Thefefy there with it. In a few minutes we were back to the World Tree, just outside of Lenkasia.

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