Mirrored from Sythyry.
This part bothers me a great deal. I was debating not writing it down at all, and trying to forget it. But I do not want to be dishonest, even to myself … maybe especially to myself.
Which is a problem. Either I have been very dishonest, to myself and everyone else, for my whole life, or I am now being very dishonest, to myself and everyone else. I wish I knew which it was.
Saza: “So, coz, after a long day in which I have shown you all the ways in which I am taking care of your problems — in response to you taking care of all of my problems — and after an excellent if underdescribed dinner prepared by an expert Cani chef in my employ who is actually used to cooking for Zi Ri — and several tots of brandy — let us retire to bed. Indeed, coz, let us curl up together as we have done before, but this time in my capacious and comfortable fireplace, because it is simply good manners for Zi Ri.”
Sythyry: “Indeed, we have done all of these things, and so let us make that particularly pleasant and companionable sort of end for a particularly pleasant and companionable sort of day.” [Sythyry is indeed writing "Sythyry" rather than "Me" here. -bb]
Saza ran zir beak down my neck, and curled up with me in a somewhat distinctive and demonstrative way.
Saza: “It need not be quite the end of the day. And if my seductive intent is not clear enough, please observe where my tailtip is resting upon your languid body.”
Sythyry: “But … you are suggesting body-play! With me!”
Saza: “I am, indeed, as is common-place and polite between Zi Ri who are as close together as I hope that you and I are! As you are no doubt aware, Sythyry, body-play between Zi Ri cousins is no great concern, since it is not reproductive (that being a different and far more painful matter) and hence simply a matter of entertainment and sharing of affection.” Well, the actual response was more of a smile and a quick affirmative.
Sythyry: “An eep! Perhaps two or three!”
Saza: “Do you know what will happen if you refuse my advances?”
Sythyry: “Um … you’ll break our arrangements and ruin my revenge and torment Feralan and Ochirion and …”
Saza: “Worse than that.”
Sythyry: “You’ll tell all our grandparents … um … something … um … if there’s anything they don’t know …”
Saza: “Worse than that!”
Sythyry: “Wizard-war with me?”
Saza: “Worse than that! I’ll kiss you on the cheek and go to sleep!”
Sythyry: “Um, what?”
Saza: “I’m really a pretty old lizard. I’ve had crushes on all sorts of people, and more often than not they turn me down, and I’m not about to make enemies out of good friends and close relatives over it. But I did feel like offering, and I can see that at least part of you is interested. It’s fine if the rest of you isn’t.”
Sythyry: “I’m traff. And transaffectionate. And interested in all the prime species except my own. And crossie. And traff. And I always have been. “
Saza: “Sure you don’t want to take a walk on the mild side, coz?”
Sythyry: “… I’m … not sure … “
Saza: “It’s up to you, coz.”
A Quick Debate on the Nature of Love and Pleasure
Sythyry to Me: “I am sort of curious what it’s like.”
Me to Sythyry: “Probably a lot like when Mynthë and I tried it a century or so ago, with Cloak of Another God.”
Sythyry to Me: “Saza’s really wonderful.”
Sythyry to Me: “Cementing our alliance is probably a good idea.”
Sythyry to Me: “I have been neglecting certain regions of my body too much the last few decades, as my eagerness and indeed near-desperation with Thenel and Arfaen indicated.”
Me to Sythyry: “And my current eagerness too!”
Sythyry to Me: “There’s absolutely nothing wrong with it — it’s perfectly normal — two people of the same species enjoying each other in private — happens all the time — normal — unremarkable — ordinary!”
Me to Sythyry: “It’s not how I do things!”
Sythyry to Me: “Why on wood not?”
Me to Sythyry: “Because I am traff!”
Sythyry to Me: “I do not accept tautological reasoning!”
Sythyry to Me: “Especially tautological reasoning that is interfering with enjoyment of an appealing and, above all, friendly lover!”
Sythyry to Me: “One who even, unlike everyone else I’ve been involved with in the last long time, is sane. “
Me to Sythyry: “I am not interested in lovers of the same species as me!”
Sythyry to Me: “Besides, it’s not love, it’s just body-play. Traff, construed strictly in the classical sense, is about whom one loves, as I did Mynthë. This is an only invitation to mutual pleasure.”
Me to Sythyry: “Mutual pleasure with a person with whom I have certain strong ties of relationship already! If it’s not love now, it has an indefinite amount of time to evolve towards it!”
Sythyry to Me: “Or in any number of other directions! In any event, Saza did not offer a same-species marriage or anything of the sort; zie merely offered a spot of amusement. Which, if I recognize certain unmistakeable bodily signs, is amusement that you are eager for as well.”
Me to Sythyry: “My body is not acting under my instructions in this regard!”
Sythyry to Me: “Your body is simply reflecting your actual emotions and passions! You may lie to yourself — I am sure that half this conversation has been a lie, though it would be convenient to know which half — but I do not think you can lie to your body.”
Me to Sythyry: “Well, we’d better give Saza an answer, and that answer must be a resounding and unmistakable NO!“
Sythyry: “… show me, coz? I’ve never done this before with another Zi Ri … “
Saza: (does. expertly.)
Sythyry: (enjoys. participates, after a while.)
I was sure, even while I was enjoying and/or participating, that there was going to be Doom, as soon as I started to think about it.
Next entry: a very nervous theoretical analysis of the situation.