Small Monsters [17 Chirreb 4261]
But don’t get the impression that my life is made up
entirely of gigantic monsters and transaffectionate
relationships. Sometimes it’s made of tiny monsters and
Sprillet and Pazi-Pazi have formed an alliance, which they
would surely be calling the Legion of Super-Evil if they
could talk. Fortunately, they can’t — it’s a very rare cat
who can say even a few words, and I don’t think that
blossomaries can say much more than flower names and
Anyways, some deeds of the Legion of Super-Evil. The precise
mechanisms are subject to debate, but the results are clear
- They constructed a catapult out of dry pasta and
Narngi’s laces and everyone’s skewers, and used it to adorn
the walls with bits of tomato and butter. Then they tossed
the catapult into the kitchen stove fire.
They disintegrated Agrimony’s tickets to The Spangler of
New Kottarnu, thereby disintegrating his chances with the
woman and co-lover he was hoping to date. Or,
alternatively, Dustweed had already disintegrated the
chances. The tickets were certainly gone.
- They summoned a nendrai to plague (1) Vheshrame, and (2)
me. I was originally blaming this on Ghirbis, but that
doesn’t make sense … if Ghirbis had summoned the nendrai,
Floooosh wouldn’t be getting any money from it. Ghirbis
isn’t very fond of Floooosh sometimes.
- They carefully adorned Ghirbis’ thesis with mystical
symbols and archaic death runes of candlewax — symbols and
runes which will bring doom and pain to anyone who reads
them. I think some of the runes got into the grammar, too.
I know that causes doom and pain to anyone who reads
it — Ghirbis had me proofread it.
- They finished a week’s worth of cat-and-blossomary food
in two days.
- They knocked over a stack of porcelain plates, and broke
three of them.
They cast The Curse of the Hateful and Gelatinous
Darkness Full Of Spinning Heads on me. It wasn’t the
brandy I was drinking in place of the evening with Ilottat
that didn’t happen. Even if the Eye of Mirizan
and Melizan didn’t detect it. Stupid Eye.
They undisintegrated Agrimony’s tickets to The Spangler
of New Kottarnu the day after the performance. And
insinuated them into a little envelope in a corner of my
- They got blue fur and blossoms all over my romantical
Well, all the evidence is undeniable, at least.
Any suggestions about what to do with a boyfriend who keeps
breaking dates at the last minute?