Self-Praise, Drought of Doom, and Other Failed Vices [1 Chirreb 4261]
I have managed to keep this journal for a year, as of
today. I’ve written about two hundred thousand words in
it, even — not counting chatting with monsters,
extradimensional horrors, aliens, and Esory.
After doing that calculation yesterday afternoon, I felt
that the situation called for pren brandy. Not necessarily
all the way to unconsciousness, like that last time, but
enough. My favorite bartender (Ilottat) was still in class,
but Ghirbis was at home, perched on the back of the big
couch in the Arena of Massacres and Spectacles of Blood.
Me:“Ghirbis? Could you pour me a small chalice
of the cheap pren brandy?” I got a rather large bottle
of the cheap pren brandy — I do, in fact, weigh more than
the bottle of brandy, but not by that much.
Ghirbis:[singing]“Za! The resplendent Zi Ri,
mighty in zir political connections, celebrates with many a
room-spinning drunkenness while lesser folk must struggle
with their examinations!”
She poured the brandy anyways, and handed me the
chalice. The brandy quite elegantly spilled up and over my
head and down behind my tail.
I flew over to investigate the puddle. It splashed around
my left side and repuddled itself on the carpet.
Me:“That, too, is odd.”
Ghirbis:[not singing]“Sythyry? What in
Accanax’ name are you wearing of a spell?”
I looked. Vae had sort of wadded the space-distortion
umbrella spell tightly around me. I stalked up on the
puddle, which splashed down through the floor and up to the
floor behind me, following the wrinkled curves of the
Me:“I suppose Vaisessasilmin is worried that
I’m drinking too much brandy these days, and has prevented
me from having more.”
Ghirbis:“Well, she’s right about that.”
Me:“Your loyalty is heavily noted. I shall
tell your great-to-the-seven-and-twelfth-grandchil
Which is a rather vicious thing to say to anyone, but I was
We investigated further. The umbrella spell shielded me
from cheap pren brandy, water, soup, Skullmurmur wine, milk,
melted butter, vinegar, and ink. Ghirbis forbade me to try
with the Oskameeska or anything more expensive.
Me:“Now I am worried.”
Ghirbis:“Afraid of sobriety?”
Me:“Afraid of dying of thirst.”
Ghirbis:“Oh. Right. Dying of thirst. How long
can a Zi Ri go without drinking?”
Me:“A day? A day and a half, if I don’t sleep
on a fire, maybe. We’re not very big people. We don’t
carry lots of water in our bodies.”
Ghirbis:“Can you call Vae and have her take the
Me:“Strenata knows where she lives… I know
where Strenata lives.”
Ghirbis:“We’d better go then.”
We had gotten almost out of the parlor when Ghirbis saved my
Ghirbis:“Don’t you have that water-creating
talisman you made in your class?”
Me:“Ghirbis, you have saved my life.”
The talisman worked fine, of course. Liquids can’t come
towards me through an irregular blobby boundary that is some
3-5 feet from my head. I can, however, fill an empty tub
with water from a talisman, or a spell, and drink as much as
I want, as long as it’s not very far away from me.
I think I drank a pint of water in two minutes. Which isn’t
a lot for a Cani or a Gormoror, but left me visibly
And, since I don’t need cley for enchantment classes at the
moment, I can conjure water several times a day. Good. Vae
still gets The Conversation, but not with a corpse and a
very upset pack of Zi Ri.
Ilottat also saved my life on this topic. He discovered that
people could (1) teleport liquids to me across the boundary,
or (2) hand me a closed bottle of anything, which the spell
wouldn’t think was rain. (2) we discovered by a delightful
serendipity; I was sitting on his cabinet, next to a bottle
of after-swim fur oil, and he noticed that the oil was still
in the bottle.
And Iska mentioned that I could have gotten enough liquid to
survive by eating grapes and melons and cucumbers and
suchlike juicy fruits and vegetables, which are available in
great profusion on this first day of Autumn I.
OK, so I was never really going to die of thirst.
It was still pretty terrifying, that Vae could do something
which I thought might kill me, casually, while trying to be
I’m going to have to have The Conversation with her, very
hard, and make it stick.
Vae is (in alphabetical order):
Vae is best described as(in alphabetical order):