Sythyry (sythyry) wrote,

Originally published at Sythyry. Please leave any comments there.

How To Chat Up A Huge Monster [18 Lage 4261]

Me:“Why do you take Orren form, Vae?”I had
some vague idea that (1) I should be friendly, as a
convenient alternative to being doomed, and (2) taking her
mind off her various pains would be conducive to (1), and
(3) asking questions that showed an interest in her
condition would be a generally friendly thing to do.

Vae:“Oh, for the tail of it. Longer and more
flexible than the tail of any other common prime.”

Which certainly makes sense for a nendrai.

I made some incoherent remarks admiring Orren in general and
her choice in particular. I was not flirting.
Seeks-A-Peaceful-Solution just smirked a bit. I was
not flirting. I was friendlying for my life.

So of course she turned into a terrible monster. Half again
as tall as a Gormoror, and heavy, and lizardly, and with a
long long long long long long long long long flickery tail,
and the illusion blob spell stretched and flexed around her.
Her scales are dull grey-green. Her face is downright ugly.
“Better than this,” she said.

I’m sure I said something polite. She didn’t harm me, at

Seeks-A-Peaceful-Solution:“Vae? Your left hind
claw is menacing that fine baron’s fine poodle.”

Vae:“Oh, cakh the bath!” I don’t know what
that means.

She turned back into her Orren shape.

Vae:“There’s a gladness on me that you left the
city, Seeks, and I could find you again.”

Seeks-A-Peaceful-Solution:“I was going to visit
in three or four days, once the Duke and all decided what to
ask you. Did you not get the letter?”

Vae:“I got it, to be sure, but I was to fretful
to wait for you.”

The waiter brought us some very lightly grilled busky with a
delicate sauce of brandy and cream, and an indelicate sauce
of honey and pureed chili flowers. Vae gasped in

Me:“No wonder you like Orren shape, if you
enjoy fish so much!”

Vae bit her arm again, quite angrily. If I ever, for some
reason, need to cut off an Orren in mid-orgasm, an armbite
that draws blood seems just the thing.

Seeks-A-Peaceful-Solution:“Sythyry, that’s not
it. Nendrai, well, like getting things from
primes. A lot.”

Vae nodded, her arm’s blood dripping out of the corners of
her mouth. Quite grimly. “It’s awful.”

Me:“I’m sorry, Vae. I didn’t really know.”
I’m still not exactly sure I completely understand.

Vae:“In case the thought’s on you that giving
me something could be a distraction for some act of
bloodshed and wickedness, it is no such thing.”

Seeks-A-Peaceful-Solution:“Gnarn doesn’t want
you to have any particular weak spots, after all.”

Vae scowled at the mention of her creator god. “Gnarn wants
me here, no weak spots and all.”

Me:“How is that?” Questions seemed pretty

Vae:“It’s very territorial I am. A sensible
nendrai would go somewhere else, somewhere that isn’t one of
the mighty cities of Ketheria. I can’t bear to give up the
territory I picked, or the friends I made, though.”

Seeks-A-Peaceful-Solution:“She showed up a bit
over a year ago. We’d tried to arrange a quiet life for
her, but that broke.”

Me:“Oh, dear. This is whatever happened to
The timing is a bit convenient, that it
broke just after Yylhauntra the nendrai-hater left.

Seeks-A-Peaceful-Solution:“Sythyry, you
really should read broadsheets occasionally. Three
caravan guards got into a fight with a couple Herethroy,
including Greenspikes, just when Vae was having tea with

Vae said, “Their heads I turned backwards, their fingers
became snakes to nip them a bit, their fur I turned to tiny
ivory fishhooks, their blood I ran with a dash of vinegar
for a minute, and into the river I teleported them.”

All the clauses I turned inside-out. “Oh. That sounds
rather painful.”

Vae nodded. “I do not permit injury to my friends, when I
can stop it. If the need for fearing me is on you, or any
prime, fear me for that.” She tapped two empty saucers and
a napkin with her tail, and they became three crabs made of
flame and spinning wheels of lightning, and danced a hey
around the table.

(The obligatory bogglement: Ordinarily when one constructs
elementals by relatively simple spells — which are not so
simple! — they do not cooperate. Only quite advanced
spells can make ones that cooperate. I was sure I would get
used to her using ridiculous magic by the end of the meal,

Seeks-A-Peaceful-Solution nodded. “Nor do we generally
suffer our citizens to be beaten, especially by foreigners.”

Vae:“Well, I was there, and the powers of
Vheshrame were not.”

Seeks-A-Peaceful-Solution:“Well, I’m not here
to thump you with justice for that. But our custom on that
is part of the problem, y’see. This may be your territory
in nendrai standards, but by Vheshrame standards you’re a
bit of a foreigner too. And one of those guards

Vae:“What are you here for?”

Seeks-A-Peaceful-Solution:“I’m here for fish
and riding with Sythyry. Though I rarely refuse
conversation with friends I happen to meet on the

Vae:“Or horrors who spread a gwyliadiant to
watch for you.”

Seeks-A-Peaceful-Solution:“Ah. I wondered a
bit how you came to teleport suddenly to one of the least
safe places in Vheshrame for you.”

Vae:“I know. I’m sure I could get away
if I need to, though. And I didn’t want to wait to see
you. I want another peace treaty. An easier one to keep
than the last one.”

Seeks-A-Peaceful-Solution:“Well, this time the
actual treaty will have to wait a day or so. I am not a
plenipotentiary negotiator when I’m just out for a ride with
a friend! But I daresay the Duke and zir half-sibling will
pay attention to whatever we suggest.”

I knew she wasn’t telling me everything, when we were
dating. But she seems to have neglected to mention some
rather impressive stories.

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