Sythyry (sythyry) wrote,
Sythyry
sythyry

Originally published at Sythyry. Please leave any comments there.

Two hats [11 Thory 4261]

Well! It seems that many monsters have opinions on hats!

It also seems that many friends of mine have many opinions
on hats as well.

Esory:“I’d love to see you in an Orren-style
flat hat, Sythyry! For ulterior reasons!”

Me:“What reasons are those?”

Esory:“If I explained, they would be
immediately cease to be ulterior.”

* * *

Thory:“I cannot image anything cuter than a Zi
Ri in a fez!”

Yarwain:“This worries me, Thory.”

Thory:“Why?”

Yarwain:“I understand that babies are
intolerable, with cuteness being their only virtue. If
Sythyry in a fez is still cuter, then our child is
doomed!”

Thory:“Oh.” She dumped a chalice of
milked wine with pondygreen over Yarwain’s head.

Yarwain:“See what joys await you when your mate
gets pregnant!”
Fortunately he mostly said that to
Anoof. I cringed anyways. The very thought hurts.

* * *

Anoof:“Get the romantic cone hat,
Sythyry.”

Me:“Why?”

Anoof:“If you do, I can all but guarantee you
that at least one Orren will be trying to kiss you before
the week is out.”

Me:“Are you serious, Anoof?”

Anoof:“Fairly much so, yes. I think it will
improve your chances immensely. Beyond all reason, in
fact.”

* * *

Seeks-Tapenade Strenata:“I like my hat. Here, try it
on.”

Me:[muffled]“It’s too big.”

Seeks-Tapenade:“I’m sure you’ll get used to
it.”

Me:[muffled]“I’m sure I’ll set it on
fire.”

Seeks-Tapenade:“Then give it back
immediately!”

* * *

Rhedwy:“Sythyry, you are the silly. The hat
does not make you successful at sex. The not running away
from the sex party makes you successful at sex.”

Me:“Love. I am looking for love, not merely
sex.”

Rhedwy:“Very are you the silly! Have sex
first. Then you know love if it comes and boils your tail.
If it never does, then at least you are having plenty of
sex.”

Me:“Ah. I shall surely consult with my
monsters about that one.”

* * *

Me:“So, I wish to exceed my usual clothing
allowance for this month — borrowing against next month, as
it were.”

Official of Disbursements:“Well, various
arrangements are possible; I shall look over your account.
What will you buy?”

Me:“A very elegant hat, or two. Suitable for
court, as per my ~mother~’s instructions, of
course.”

O. of D.:“What sort of hat?”

I described my choices to zir. “And that is why I may buy
two hats.”

O. of D.:“I should buy the cone and the
coronet, if I were you.”

Me:“Many monsters do not agree with you on the
coronet!”

O. of D.:“You discuss your sartorial
preferences with monsters?”

Me:[Airily]“Why, of course — dozens of them!
Don’t you?”

O. of D.:“I’m afraid I come from a more
workaday sort of background than you.”

Me:“Can it be arranged?”

O. of D.:“Since you have not, to date, used the
whole of your clothing allowance in any month, I can apply
some of your previous monies to this month.”

* * *

So now I have two hats on order: a romantic cone thingie,
and a fez. The romantic cone thingie is as Anoof wished.
The fez … the fez … the fez will have a shimmering wash
of pastel rainbow colors cascading down one side. Why only
one side? I do not know. Will I be able to look at myself
in a mirror without laughing? I do not know.

If Anoof is not right about the Orren, I shall stuff the fez
with offirrah and feed it to him.

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