Sythyry (sythyry) wrote,

Protocols of Embezzlement

Dear Lord Eddarna,

You asked for a clear and informal accounting to the Exchequer, or my name is Spendrel Samm. Here it is, fog-face, clear as mud and twice as informal. I -- and by "I" I mean me, which is to say, myself, not including anyone of any other species I might be boinking at the moment, and certainly not including your darling daughter Moria -- I, I repeat, I, acquired one (1) paper doll. It was a pretty good paper doll. Like, it was torn out of a whole sheet of paper. And it was drawn in pencil. Not just any medium, not like it was drawn with the menstrual blood of chromodons or something boring like that. We're talking genuine Oorah Thrassen pencil here. genuine! And the arms and legs and tail are fastened on with little bits of bone too. I think we're talking genuine pocker bone here, but it might be lamb or something. I dunno.

With me so far? I got this paper doll.

So I sold this paper doll. For cash. Specifically for 5100 lozens.

The share of the Zi Ri who copulates enthusiastically with Orren was 4533 lozens. The share of the Cani who copulates enthusiastically with Sleeth was 566 lozens. This Cani was not part of the original proposal, but the Zi Ri was unable to sell the paper doll on zir own. The assistance of the Cani was crucial. Without this assistance, there would be no proper embezzling. The Zi Ri would just have a stupid paper doll in zir closet. Alas! Fortunately, the perverted Cani was able to sell the paper doll for the price of a very nice horse, so both the perverted Cani and the perverted Zi Ri have plenty of embezzled cash to indulge their own affairs which are not really Exchequer affairs. (As far as we know the perverted Cani does not indulge in affairs per se, preferring to be faithful to her wrong-species lover. The same goes for certain perverted Rassimel that we are aware of, to the best of our knowledge.)

I am not sure where the other lozen went. Maybe it was a tip for the Sleeth. In this case it probably bought a ground groundnut and chocolate pie. I am fairly sure that it did not go to an Orren who copulates enthusiastically with Rassimel, or even to a Rassimel who copulates enthusiastically with Orren. I will ask them the next time I see them, if I am thusly instructed by Your Most Loble Nordship of the Exchequeer.

In any case, I do not have the other lozen. I am sorry for this flaw in my accounting.

With all diligent service to the Duke, who is getting his city protected from two very dangerous nendrai without having to spend a terch on it by a perverted Zi Ri -- and who knows it!, I remain,

yr hmbl svt,


I think that Lord Eddarna ought to find fulfilment in finally getting an embezzlement report out of me! Don't you?

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