Boiling my Brain [16 Hispis 4262]
Lieutenant Abragang:"Sythyry! You're back! What happened!"
Me:"Some nendrai are very happy. Some Zi Ri are not very happy. They need to go home now."
Lieutenant Abragang:"What happened?"
Me:"I don't want to think about that. I need to go home now."
Lieutenant Abragang:"We need to know! Are they going to attack the city? Are we in any danger?"
Me:"Just me. And they're done with me for the day. I need to go home now."
Lieutenant Abragang:"What are they doing now?"
Me:"Courting. Fighting. Playing diamond chess. Torturing hugeng ten branches away. I don't know. Paying attention to each other, not us. I need to go home now."
Lieutenant Abragang:"What preparations should we make?"
I breathed fire in his general direction and flew off to home. Which is probably not very legal, and certainly not very polite, but I wasn't really capable of discussing tactics at that point.
Lieutenant Abragang:"Hey! What was that about?"
Me:"Hi, Jarmiet. Could you help me with something?"
Jarmiet:"Oh, good afternoon, Sythyry. What's wrong? You smell all upset."
Me:"Bad day at work. Could you pour the two bottles of the Chez-Gugnard brandy and one bottle of the Norptune into the biggest cooking pot, and put it on the stove?"
Jarmiet:"Well, yes... I thought you didn't like those. And they won't be very good mixed."
Me:"I don't like them, that's why I'm using them. Actually, if you can carry them, bring up the rest of the Norptune too. I'll probably need it all."
Jarmiet:"Are you sure this is a good idea?"
Me:"Oh, absolutely sure. Of course, after this morning, getting made into sausage sounds like a good idea too."
Jarmiet:"... Right ... " She ran and got the brandy, and set it up for me. And then filled the other big pot with water, and sat down to watch.
Jarmiet:"Just keeping an eye on you."
So we filled the one pot with brandy, and set it on the stove. I cast How To Defy A Remorshka on the ceiling over the stove -- a straightforward little fireproofing spell. And clambered into the brandy.
Yuck! It was cold!
Me:"Yuck! This is cold!"
Jarmiet:"It's only been on the stove for two minutes."
I ignited the brandy with my breath.
Jarmiet:"Hey! Is that safe?"
Me:"Probably not, but I fireproofed the ceiling."
Jarmiet:"Sythyry? Are you sure you know what you're doing?"
Me:"No, but it won't be worse than the last couple hours."
By then the brandy was burning nicely. I crouched down, so that only my muzzle and crest were over the flames. (Actually, I might do this for fun sometime. It's kind of fun, having the top of your bath be boiling hot, the middle cool, the bottom be getting boiling hot, and flames all over the top. (On second thought, next time I do it with vodka. Getting burnt brandy residue out of my feathers was not so fun.))
Me:"Yuck, this tastes awful."
Jarmiet:"Two bad brandies, mixed? Yes, I'd expect they'd only get worse. ... You're actually drinking it?"
Jarmiet:"Well, be careful. You're not very big, and that's a lot of brandy for a small person."
Me:"Just sips. It's too nasty to have much. Oh, could you dump some licorice in, if we have some? And some asafoedita?"
Jarmiet:"Licorice? Asafoedita? Those won't make it ..."
Me:"I don't want it to taste good. I'll drink less that way."
Jarmiet:"Well.... all right... "
She poured most of our stock of both spices into a ladle, and gingerly dumped it into the burning brandy+me. Of course it made a big and nasty-smelling powder explosion, catching Jarmiet's arm. She ran over and dunked her arm in the cold water.
Me:"Ack! Sorry! Are you OK?"
Jarmiet:"Just a bit singed here and there. It'll be OK."
Me:"I owe you a healing spell, if you want one."
Jarmiet:"Well... when you're out of there, if it's one that needs touch."
At which point, Strenata flew through the window. Her hat read "Seeks-Zi-Ri".
Seeks-Zi-Ri:"Hi, Jarmiet. Hressh-huu, but it stinks in here. Know where Sythyry is?"
Jarmiet:"In that pot, with the burning brandy."
Seeks-Zi-Ri:"Sythyry? What on wood are you doing?"
Me:"Drinking to forget."
Seeks-Zi-Ri:"That you assaulted the Lieutenant of the Guard and flew away rather than give a report.
Me:"... no ... I'm not too worried about that."
Seeks-Zi-Ri:"Sythyry? What did Vae do to you?"
Me:"Mind-spelled me and used me as a
Seeks-Zi-Ri:"Good gods. Are you sober enough to tell me the story? I think we can get it to count as your formal report."
So I started telling her the story.
Seeks-Zi-Ri:"Um ... that's not what happened to you. That's the story of The Troublers of Tulterry."
Me:"Oh, I thought you meant that story."
Seeks-Zi-Ri:"How much of that stinking brandy have you had?"
Me:"Not nearly enough. Pour in another bottle, will you?"
Seeks-Zi-Ri:"Not 'til the flames are gone. Jarmiet looks a bit burnt. I don't want to get burnt too."
Seeks-Zi-Ri:"Oh ... did the nendrai somehow get into Daukhrame? I think that Troublers was playing there today."
Me:"It was, they didn't, and ..."
I did what any rational, heroic prime would have done at that point, and started crying. Seeks-Zi-Ri invited me out of the pot of burning brandy, and she and Jarmiet put me out, and I spent at least two-thirds of an hour crying in her arms and explaining what happened. That had better count as a formal report. I am not writing any more formal reports today.
Instead, I am writing my journal, which usually calms me down (and did), with a rather worried Strenata sitting on the next armchair over pretending to read something or other and actually mostly keeping an eye on me. She gave me a bath before this (see comment on cleaning burnt brandy from feathers), which once would have really made my week, but I don't think this week could possibly get made. We agreed that it probably was better for me to drink myself into unconsciousness than obsess on The Troublers of Tulterry all night,
Though that is probably better than remembering the actual date. With the nendrai enjoying me reciting the play to them.
Tomorrow we explore options for getting this spell taken off.
I hate my job. And I don't see how to embezzle anything from it.