Sythyry (sythyry) wrote,
Sythyry
sythyry

Romantic Advice from the Nendrai[9 Hivvem 4261]

I didn't know what Anoof and Narngi and protospice are doing with Enziet. I still don't, as of the time of writing, though I expect I'll find out soon.

Vae:"You're yawning yourself so wide, Sythyry. And why was it you did not sleep so well?"

A while ago I'd made the mistake of telling her the reason I was so sleepy was a very good night with Ilottat. Since then, she has felt it to be within her rights to give me romantic advice. Since she is (a) sexually immature, (b) not acquainted with anyone I have romantic designs on, (c) acquainted with prime civilization mainly via childrens' books, (d) a monster, (e) bloodthirsty, and (f) batshit loco, how could I possibly refuse to take her advice?

Me:"Romantic discord."

Vae:"Ilottat should get his dumping, or his re-dumping, and soon!" Even the sexually immature unacquainted unacquainted monstrous bloodthirsty batshit-loco monsters think so.

Me:"We're still broken up. This is my roommates' discord."

Vae:"The Dustweed would get a mighty defensive spell or two, if she were here!"

Me:"Not a bad idea, but it's not her."

Vae:"And who, then?"

So I had to describe the whole thing. Vae had never heard of spellweaving.

Vae:"Not do I understand any trouble. The destroy the spell, then, and let the Enziet tell her truth! The revenge comes on the sorcerer, then."

Me:"She could tell it if she wanted to. She could write it down. For that matter, she could break the spell if she wanted, I think."

Vae:"Then you must modify her loyalty, so that she is loyal to her husbands and wives."

Me:"Vae!"

Vae:"And what is wrong? Not I have cast any spell on you -- you must not woe me with The Conversation."

Me:"Well, we don't use mind-magic on primes. Besides, once they've been together a little while, she'll be loyal to them anyways -- Cani do that."

Vae:"Not do I understand ... you cannot use magic to do something that would come naturally?"

Me:"Right."

Vae:"And is it legal to age a cheese with a spell?"

Me:"Sure."

Vae:"And is it legal to sprout a seed into a tree with a spell?"

Me:"Yes..."

Vae:"And is it legal to help a woman be loyal to her husbands and wives, if one uses no magic?"

Me:"Of course."

Vae:"And is it legal to do the same thing, only using magic?"

Me:"Good gods, no."

Vae:"And the why not?"

Me:"It's Mentador magic. That's evil."

Vae:"The you have perplexed me once more."

Me:"The you are a monster once more! This is one of our oldest and best laws."

Vae:(cries)

One comforting later, I had to ask...

Me:"Well, what should I do?"

Vae:"I, myself, would never mate with someone who did not let me cast spells at them regularly, and rake them with my claws as well."

I re-resolved not to ask her to injure me.

Me:"Not that it needs saying, but as advice for me...?"

Vae:"The break the spell before you marry her!"

Me:"I'm not marrying her!"

Vae:"And you are the one who loves other species?"

Me:"Yes."

Vae:"And she is the one who loves other species?"

Me:"Yes."

Vae:"And you and she are different species?"

Me:"Yes... "

Vae:"And the problem is ...?"

Me:"I don't like her, I don't trust her, I don't want to marry a poor, mortal noble. For three. "

Vae:"The I expect this will change in a matter of days."

Me:"If it does, I'm gonna look very closely at myself for Mutoc Mentador nendrai spells!"

Vae:"Not I will do anything!"

Me:"I hope not."

Vae:(cries)

I really hope the doom stays on the Cani this time 'round.

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