Well-Aged Wine, part 1 [4 Consimbs 4261]
Scene 1: The Lightly Scaled Refectory
Ghirbis:[sung]"Sythyry! Descend unto the boardwalk -- walk unto the board-descend -- board unto the descend-walk!"
Which was, of course, utterly impossible, as I was, at that moment, prowling under the kitchen table for a poptaloop that had escaped from my plate. (Because Pazi-Pazi pounced it.)
Ghirbis and Dustweed:[sung, in unison]"There's an Orren you ought to meet."
Me:"Orren? What want I with an Orren?"
Ghirbis and Dustweed:[sung, in unison]"Romance and love and just about everything!"
Me:"Well, yes, but I've still got a very nice boyfriend, even if he really is dating Pondspark."
Jarmiet:[quietly left the room]
Dustweed:"Besides, this one is purple."
Me:"Purple? Why on wood would I want a purple Orren?"
Dustweed:"And he has an excellent if fruity bouquet."
Me:"Not my preferred choice of perfume."
Ghirbis:"We found him in an attic in Sprowlween Hall."
Ghirbis:"No -- he was trapped there!"
Me:"I fail to see the attraction."
Dustweed:"We'll bring you to the Green Tile Classroom."
Me:"You're smirking far too much, and making sense far too little. I shall stay here and take a postprandial nap. My actual boyfriend kept me up late."
Scene 2: The Green Tile Classroom
Well, he is purple. But not purple the way that you'd expect an Orren to be purple. His fur is purple, yes. So are his eyes (which should be brown in an Orren), his teeth and clawtips (which should be roughly white), and even his entrails (which should not be seen at all).
He did, indeed, have an excellent and fruity bouquet. Not perfume, though.
He was, indeed, in an attic in Sprowlween Hall, and unable to leave. He had been there for some time, though many people knew about him.
What he's not, is Orren.
Or even prime.
But he's entirely legal to have inside of Vheshrame.
He's an elemental. An enchantment professor some fifty years ago made him, by animating a cask of a very good Chateau Montdegrarrhu '28 into a sentient statue of an Orren.
I will admit that I stared. It is not every day that one sees a cask of very good Chateau Montdegrarrhu '28 reading a copy of the Howling Horn of Hressh-Huu. Or, alternatively, a stark-naked glistening purple Orren sitting in a classroom after hours, reading the Howling Horn of Hressh-Huu.
I will admit that I considered how I might best use Mansion of Unearthly Delights to horrify or embarrass my housemates, when I get it grafted.
So, how does one behave socially with a sentient cask of very good Chateau Montdegrarrhu?