Small Monsters [17 Chirreb 4261]
But don't get the impression that my life is made up entirely of gigantic monsters and transaffectionate relationships. Sometimes it's made of tiny monsters and transaffectionate relationships.
Sprillet and Pazi-Pazi have formed an alliance, which they would surely be calling the Legion of Super-Evil if they could talk. Fortunately, they can't -- it's a very rare cat who can say even a few words, and I don't think that blossomaries can say much more than flower names and enthusiastic squeakage.
Anyways, some deeds of the Legion of Super-Evil. The precise mechanisms are subject to debate, but the results are clear enough.
- They constructed a catapult out of dry pasta and Narngi's laces and everyone's skewers, and used it to adorn the walls with bits of tomato and butter. Then they tossed the catapult into the kitchen stove fire.
- They disintegrated Agrimony's tickets to The Spangler of New Kottarnu, thereby disintegrating his chances with the woman and co-lover he was hoping to date. Or, alternatively, Dustweed had already disintegrated the chances. The tickets were certainly gone.
- They summoned a nendrai to plague (1) Vheshrame, and (2) me. I was originally blaming this on Ghirbis, but that doesn't make sense ... if Ghirbis had summoned the nendrai, Floooosh wouldn't be getting any money from it. Ghirbis isn't very fond of Floooosh sometimes.
- They carefully adorned Ghirbis' thesis with mystical symbols and archaic death runes of candlewax -- symbols and runes which will bring doom and pain to anyone who reads them. I think some of the runes got into the grammar, too. I know that causes doom and pain to anyone who reads it -- Ghirbis had me proofread it.
- They finished a week's worth of cat-and-blossomary food in two days.
- They knocked over a stack of porcelain plates, and broke three of them.
- They cast The Curse of the Hateful and Gelatinous Darkness Full Of Spinning Heads on me. It wasn't the brandy I was drinking in place of the evening with Ilottat that didn't happen. Even if the Eye of Mirizan and Melizan didn't detect it. Stupid Eye.
- They undisintegrated Agrimony's tickets to The Spangler of New Kottarnu the day after the performance. And insinuated them into a little envelope in a corner of my room.
- They got blue fur and blossoms all over my romantical hats.
Well, all the evidence is undeniable, at least.
Any suggestions about what to do with a boyfriend who keeps breaking dates at the last minute?