Sythyry (sythyry) wrote,
Sythyry
sythyry

OOC - birthdays are a conspiracy!

Bard needs a new conspiracy theory to believe in! What should it accept uncritically?

Colombus's voyages were faked!
4(17.4%)
d6's have a secret 7th side but you have to be a member to be able to roll it!
10(43.5%)
'Hail Mary' is neither!
1(4.3%)
Oxygen is evil because it's a necessary prerequisite to a homosexual lifestyle!
1(4.3%)
The CIA invented sexual dimorphism in humans as a device to keep us distracted from their real agenda!
7(30.4%)

The best way to help Bard celebrate its upcoming 50th birthday is to...

Buy one of its books
10(15.4%)
Kidnap it and sell it to cannibals for $4.99/lb.
5(7.7%)
Send it a copy of a nifty picture, e.g. one that it can use as a desktop and think of you when it sees it.
8(12.3%)
Send it some music that you think it will like, esp. music without English lyrics.
9(13.8%)
Tempt a friend to read the serial it's about to start serializing
11(16.9%)
Email or IM it suitable greetings
8(12.3%)
Show up for its housewarming / belated birthday party, whenever that is.
9(13.8%)
Hurl it into a pool of boiling alligators
5(7.7%)

Seriously. Conspiracy theory time. Which of these should Bard believe that the CIA was/will be involved with?

Hannibal's invasion of Italy
1(4.3%)
the Cola Wars
8(34.8%)
the heat death of the universe
4(17.4%)
Saruman's defiance of Sauron
3(13.0%)
The unseemly value of eπi
7(30.4%)

More conspiracy theory! Aliens are surely infiltrating our school system! These aliens come from...

Barsoom
7(30.4%)
Yuggoth
4(17.4%)
Narnia
3(13.0%)
Oz
3(13.0%)
the present
6(26.1%)

Con-spi-ra-ceeeee! Who was responsible for the killing of JFK?

The Free Masons
3(13.0%)
The Cheap Carpenters
1(4.3%)
The Liberated Librarians
2(8.7%)
The Wild Window Washers
8(34.8%)
The Expensive Electricians
9(39.1%)

Ponderous paranoia paradigm pie! NASA never landed on the moon! Instead...

Their missions went haywire and ended up on Ganymede
1(4.3%)
They travelled to the near future, but it was so depressing that they pretended it was the moon instead.
6(26.1%)
They went partway to Oz and ended up in the Deadly Desert
6(26.1%)
They were miniaturized and put into a jar of Tang. It all looks grey because it was expired Tang
5(21.7%)
They went to the bottom of the Marianas Trench but the images got really badly garbled.
5(21.7%)

Oh nose! The Holocaust ...

... actually took place in Honolulu because Hitler was there on vacation.
4(19.0%)
killed six million Jews ... and 24 million Zoroastrians! But nobody ever mentions them!
7(33.3%)
... was caused by Israeli time travellers from the year 2111, to drum up sympathy for Israel.
1(4.8%)
wasn't carried out on Hitler's orders, but on those of his 6-year-old nephew, Lucy Hitler.
5(23.8%)
was a big mistake. Hitler actually ordered "Kill ... I'll have to choose", meaning that he'd pick one person to have killed as an example. His German accent made it come out as "Kill all of the Jews".
4(19.0%)

Conspie! Princess Diana ...

Was killed by vengeful paparazzi who were having a slow news week!
1(4.5%)
Simply returned to her native planet of Glorbulon!
2(9.1%)
Was killed by her jilted lover — Henry VIII.
4(18.2%)
Was killed so that her awful secret would stay secret — she was a closet furry.
8(36.4%)
Was getting confused with the Goddess of the Moon and the Hunt, so she had to die.
7(31.8%)

The Antichrist is ...

Saddam Hussein
0(0.0%)
Peter Pan
2(8.7%)
Kilgore Trout
1(4.3%)
Mahatma Gandhi
0(0.0%)
Christ, but reversed in time like any other antiparticle
11(47.8%)
A cranky and smelly 47-year-old deli counter worker in New York City (not otherwise of interest)
4(17.4%)
late. Really, really late.
5(21.7%)

Chemtrails, clouds behind aircrafts, evilly contain...

Ibuprofen and aspirin, to numb the populace into numbness
3(13.0%)
NyQuil, to put an end to the Cold War
1(4.3%)
Betadine, to heal the cuts the planes leave in the sky
5(21.7%)
Ex-Lax, to make the weather more regular
1(4.3%)
A placebo, to scare chemtrail conspiracy theorists and distract them from the real conspiracy
13(56.5%)

OK, what's the real conspiracy?

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