Sythyry (sythyry) wrote,
Sythyry
sythyry

A few fine points of etiquette for you to judge

My translator, in response to some recent events, showed me this. I must therefore describe the recent events in a handful of polls.

Which of these is the rudest thing to say to a runaway bride, viz. a woman who nearly got married and changed her mind at the last minute?

"Your intended was a vile flumberjay, and only a demented dunce could find them appealing for half a moment"
3(12.5%)
"Excellent! That saves me the expense of buying presents for your wedding today and for your divorce tomorrow!"
10(41.7%)
"You will find someone else, just as your intended already has. What, you were unaware?"
1(4.2%)
"At long last, has your brain reasserted its occasional dominance over your vulva?"
5(20.8%)
"Let us copulate upon yonder end table, that I may drive the distasteful memories of the event quite out of your vapid little skull"
5(20.8%)

When one's fiancée deserts one a mere two days before the wedding, what should one never, ever call her when one confronts her in front of her family?

A wicked deciever
0(0.0%)
An unskilled prostitute
3(12.5%)
A foreign twitch-wit
4(16.7%)
A prospective murder victim
14(58.3%)
An ill-dressed pustule
3(12.5%)

When one is clapped in prison due to the insidious activities of one's ex-fiancée and her alarmed family, what assistance should one never, ever ask from one's employer the expert chef with much political influence?

To bake a cake containing escape tools
2(8.3%)
To twist the tails of magistrates
1(4.2%)
To bribe jailers
0(0.0%)
To spread mass nausea as a distraction
17(70.8%)
To hire Khtsoyis to pummel one's non-father-in-law
4(16.7%)

When one is released both from prison and employment, what is the worst possible situation to confront one's former employer with a sword in one hand and a poisoned dagger in the other?

In the presence of her spouse's whatever-zie-is, the wizard
0(0.0%)
In the presence of the nendrai
13(54.2%)
In the presence of the secretary of the chief magistrate of Kismirth
2(8.3%)
When one has lapped up seven tots of whiskey for additional courage
4(16.7%)
When one has disposed of one's trousers in the interest of efficiency
5(20.8%)

After such events, how should one not phrase one's apology to one's former employer?

"Never mind"
2(8.3%)
"I accept your implicit apology"
3(12.5%)
"I can't see why you are angry"
5(20.8%)
"You don't have the guts to take me to court!"
6(25.0%)
"Accept this urination upon your feet as a token of my esteem."
8(33.3%)

After all of this, how should one regard the series of events

A triumph of courage!
2(8.3%)
A triumph of independence!
3(12.5%)
A triumph of wit!
1(4.2%)
A triumph of luck!
8(33.3%)
A triumph of insousiance!
10(41.7%)
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